This is My Brain in Bondage to Mistress Alex

Dear Mistress Alex,

i've struggled against Your bonds for days. i don't know where Your body¹ is, but Your mind has fully enveloped mine - nibbling, gnawing, consuming, devouring. i am losing my mind - to Yours. i have no desire to escape. i want to loose the bonds of my own ego - to be free in Your ego within boundaries set by You. i have to put my surrender into words so that You will know that i know². i haven't been able to. i read Your blog. Axe remarks that it's about control. That's Your plan. It works on me. You have a great gift. i'm grateful that You do.

Axe is concerned. You reached right into his submissive mind before You even knew him. He would like to be more special. But, You know that You know a small part of the world. Axe has to just deal with it. You know You have a great gift, but it is what it is.

i can deal with it. i want to deal with it. You know submissives and slaves, instinctively. You have a great gift. i'm grateful that You do. If You can push my buttons without knowing me specifically, how much more can You push them if You do. Will You let me show You some more of my buttons? Ones i know about. Will You help me discover ones i don't know about? Please, Mistress push them. Push my buttons. Push them hard. Again, and again, and again.

My scene blog, this one, has laid fallow for years. now, i have a reason to cultivate it. i try to write for You. i cannot focus. i remember a remark by Mistress Troy and a post writes itself. i see a tweet from Mistress Devon and a post writes itself. But the post i most need to write the one about Pain Junkie and Axe and You and me, won't come. Maybe i'm trying too hard. Like those leather cages where the harder You struggle the tighter they get.

This one worked well on me. You have a great gift. i'm grateful You do. But at the time i knew what to do.

Control is taken, once again, and again, never a permanent thing, never a given, but given and taken simultaneously, repeatedly.

It still works for me. Hello Boot tips.

i've become afraid. i'm afraid, i can't do justice to the power of Your writing. Do i have to be able to write as well as You do? A tedious outworn chauvinist idea! You are the Mistress of Your universe. Your gifts should be paramount. i will form the conclusions You give me to form.

i'm afraid You are too much for me, yet i'm glad You are. A reasonable man would try to hide from You. Please don't make me be reasonable. And besides there's no place to hide. Please let me dive headfirst into Your intense, vibrant mind. Swallow me whole. Burp if You like :)

submissively Yours,

bootlover

¹Adjectives fail me. 'Breathtaking' will have to do for now.

²There's no question that You know.